Navigating the Uncomfortable: A Five-Step Framework for Successful Difficult Conversations
It's no secret that difficult conversations can be intimidating, often evoking fear and anxiety. In fact, without a clear roadmap on how to approach them, many people tend to avoid these discussions altogether. However, it's crucial to understand that mastering the art of handling tough discussions is a skill that can transform not only the way we communicate but also the outcomes we achieve in our personal and professional lives.
5 Steps to a Successful Outcome
Here are five essential steps that can help you effectively approach difficult conversations with confidence.
Step #1: Setting Your Intention
The best way I know to build your effectiveness and confidence is to thoughtfully prepare for the conversation by setting your intention for how you will show up. You will find that you have a better understanding of the situation and more potential to influence the outcomes than you think.
Before going into the conversation, take some time to reflect and set positive intentions. Read our blog, How to Prepare for a Difficult Conversation to learn more.
Step #2: Exploration
The first step is focused on gathering as much insight as possible. Be curious. Ask questions to learn as much as possible about the other person’s point of view. Don’t assume that you know what motivated them to do what they did. Seek to understand how certain events affected them, and what their values and priorities are. Watch their body language. What does this person really want? What are they not saying? Let them talk without interruption until they’re finished. Regardless of what you hear, don’t take it personally. It’s not really about you. Try to learn as much as you can in this initial stage of the conversation. You’ll get your turn, so don’t rush things.
Step #3: Perspective Taking
Perspective taking is understanding that others view us differently than we view ourselves, and acknowledging our shared circumstances don’t result in shared conclusions. However, our different perspectives still have equal value. The other person will not change unless they believe you understand their point of view. Step into their shoes and explain back to them what you understand happened. Imagine their best intentions and respect their position. Share your own reactions if it comes up. For example, in a tense discussion with a colleague, say: “I notice that I’m feeling defensive, and I think it’s because your voice just got louder and sounded angry. I just want to talk about this topic. I’m not trying to persuade you in either direction.” The acknowledgment will help both of you re-center. Acknowledgment is not agreement. Saying, “this sounds really important to you,” doesn’t mean you’re going to go along with their decision.
Step #4: Advocacy
When you sense the other person has said all they need to say on the topic, it’s your turn. What do you think they missed? This is your opportunity to clarify your position, but be careful not to minimize theirs. For example: “From what you’ve told me, I understand your sense that I may not be a team player. However, I genuinely consider the long-term success of our company when I raise concerns. My intention is not to come across as critical, even though it might sound that way. Let's discuss how we can better address these issues and ensure my intentions are more transparent.”
Step #5: Problem-Solving
Now, let's start figuring out answers. Think of ideas and keep asking questions. Ask the other person what they think could work. When you hear their ideas, find things you like and add more to them. If the conversation gets argumentative, go back to exploring. Asking for the other person's thoughts usually makes them feel safe and more willing to join in. If you've done a good job staying focused, adjusting your attitude, and asking questions with a clear goal, making lasting solutions will be straightforward.
“When we avoid difficult conversations, we trade short-term discomfort with long-term dysfunction.”
PETER BROMBERG
Tips and Suggestions
To achieve a successful outcome, focus on how you act and what you say. Being calm, supportive, curious, and problem-solving, affects what you say.
Pay attention to feelings, yours and the other person's, and direct them toward a common purpose.
Remember your main goal when things get tough.
Don't take mean words personally. Help them calm down.
Don't assume they can understand your point of view automatically.
Practice talking it out with a friend before you do it for real.
Think about the conversation in your head. Imagine different scenarios and see yourself handling them well. Envision the result you want.
Interested in learning more about how we can help you incorporate strategic management in your business? We can help, Reach out and we can discuss your specific needs and determine the best solutions for your business.